Yay, it's Monday, my least favorite day of the week. At least I had a good weekend. I took Brenda golfing at the local 3-par course for the first time. Two hours of walking and swinging sure beats two hours of TV or computer games.
I also bought an exercise ball (my kids popped the last one) and did a workout on it Saturday morning. It really kicked my butt. Seriously, my glutes are still sore today. I am so out of shape I couldn't do most of the exercises on the video. I think I am going to get the Biggest Loser workout videos since they seem to be geared more toward really out of shape folks like myself.
I'm still doing good with my eating. I haven't started counting calories (or points) again, but I have been eating the same foods I used to eat when I did count. So I know I'm doing fine.
I weighed in this morning at 236.8 (37.4% bodyfat), so I'm still making progress.
I did 30 minutes of cardio on the treadmill this morning (too cold to walk the dog), so I need to do some more this evening. I entered a challenge on the Biggest Loser forum to do 2 hours of exercise a day. That means I have 90 minutes left.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Biggest Loser Club
Last week I joined the Biggest Loser Club for a three-month trial. Mostly I did it because I wanted the three books that come free with a three-month trial. But I also wanted to check it out and see if it is worth $20 a month. I don't care much for the meal tracking or workout tracking tools. I prefer the free ones at fitday.com.
So it comes down to the community. That's where I thought there may be real value. With that in mind, I looked through the forums and found a six-week challenge to join. Every six weeks, there's a "bootcamp" challenge where you can join a team and compete with other teams for points based on healthy living (drinking water, exercising, following a food plan, pounds lost, etc.). I joined up for the next bootcamp which starts today. I had to take some measurements, so I will post them here.
Weight: 237.0
Bodyfat: 39
Chest: 43.5
Belly:
Waist: 42.25
Hips: 45
Right upper arm: 15
Right thigh: 27
For the competition, I will be weighing in every Friday. But I still believe in weighing every day, so I will continue to do that on my own. It will be interesting to see if this competition provides the motivation I need to really work hard over the next six weeks.
So it comes down to the community. That's where I thought there may be real value. With that in mind, I looked through the forums and found a six-week challenge to join. Every six weeks, there's a "bootcamp" challenge where you can join a team and compete with other teams for points based on healthy living (drinking water, exercising, following a food plan, pounds lost, etc.). I joined up for the next bootcamp which starts today. I had to take some measurements, so I will post them here.
Weight: 237.0
Bodyfat: 39
Chest: 43.5
Belly:
Waist: 42.25
Hips: 45
Right upper arm: 15
Right thigh: 27
For the competition, I will be weighing in every Friday. But I still believe in weighing every day, so I will continue to do that on my own. It will be interesting to see if this competition provides the motivation I need to really work hard over the next six weeks.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Leverage
I looked into the karate class and golf pass since I mentioned them the other day. The golf pass is actually $1800 for the family and that's about $600 more than I can justify. I can get a single pass for $800, but then I would spend too much time away from the family. The karate class is $70 per month (for just me). It would almost guarantee me two good workouts per week and go a long way toward keeping me active and motivated. The next class starts May 13, and I'm thinking very seriously about joining.
In fact, I think I will set some aggressive workout goals for the next three weeks and make a deal with my wife that if I meet the goals, I get to sign up for the class. Then, I have to continue to meet monthly goals in order to stay enrolled. I really think that will work for me - for at least a few months. For the long term (and for her), I think we may still need some long-term incentive like planning another cruise or at least another trip to Maui.
In fact, I think I will set some aggressive workout goals for the next three weeks and make a deal with my wife that if I meet the goals, I get to sign up for the class. Then, I have to continue to meet monthly goals in order to stay enrolled. I really think that will work for me - for at least a few months. For the long term (and for her), I think we may still need some long-term incentive like planning another cruise or at least another trip to Maui.
Five down, 80 to go
I weighed in this morning at 237.2, down five pounds from one week ago. Wouldn't it be great if I could lose five pounds every week? I've learned from experience that the number gets a lot smaller after the first week or two, so I don't expect it to continue at that rate.
I am still eating well, and I've been walking the dog every morning, but I'm having a hard time getting in more exercise. Thirty minutes of walking every morning is a good start, and may be great for maintenance, but I still have 80 pounds of fat to lose. And walking for 30 minutes a day isn't going to cut it.
Interestingly, most people don't believe that I have 80 pounds of fat to lose. They just see me as "big guy" who could stand to lose about 30 pounds. But, I'm not a "big guy." I only have about 140 pounds of lean body mass, which means I am carrying 97 pounds of fat. Obviously I can't lose every last pound of it, but there's no reason I should have to carry more than 10% of my bodyweight in fat. If I lose 80 more pounds of fat, and don't gain or lose any muscle in the process, I will weigh 157 pounds with 17 pounds of fat (just over 10%).
Of course, I hope to add about 10 pounds of muscle so that I hit 10% bodyfat at about 165. Ultimately, I would love to gain an additional 10-20 pounds of muscle and settle in at 175-185 (still with 10% bodyfat). But any way you look at it, the 97 pounds of fat I am carrying today is about 80 pounds more than I need (or want). So I still have 80 pounds of fat to lose.
If I could continue to lose five pounds a week, it would only take four months. With results like that, I'm sure I could stay motivated. However, it is more realistic to shoot for 8-10 pounds per month. At that rate, it will take me 8-10 months to reach my goal.
Logically, there is no reason I cannot do that. However, it has been very difficult for me to stay on track for that length of time in the past. In fact, I've only done it twice. In the 1998-99 school year (first year of law school), I worked out six days per week. My bench press went from 165 to 225. My weight dropped from over 200 to about 185. My lean body mass increased from about 140 to 155. But I was not eating clean. Had I been watching my eating, I could have reached my goal of 10% that year. As it was, I got down to 17%.
By spring of 2003, I had ballooned back up to 225. In May 2003, my Mom convinced my wife and I to follow the Weight Watcher's Points plan. We did not join the club, but we counted points for the next year or so. We each lost 40 pounds. But during that time, I was not doing any resistance training (though I did do a fair amount of cardio). Had I added resistance training, I probably could have had much better results.
This year is going to be my third success story. Only this time I will be eating clean and doing resistance training (cardio too). By putting them both together, I should be able to have better results than ever before. The only trick will be staying on track. That's why I need leverage. And I still haven't decided what that will be.
I am still eating well, and I've been walking the dog every morning, but I'm having a hard time getting in more exercise. Thirty minutes of walking every morning is a good start, and may be great for maintenance, but I still have 80 pounds of fat to lose. And walking for 30 minutes a day isn't going to cut it.
Interestingly, most people don't believe that I have 80 pounds of fat to lose. They just see me as "big guy" who could stand to lose about 30 pounds. But, I'm not a "big guy." I only have about 140 pounds of lean body mass, which means I am carrying 97 pounds of fat. Obviously I can't lose every last pound of it, but there's no reason I should have to carry more than 10% of my bodyweight in fat. If I lose 80 more pounds of fat, and don't gain or lose any muscle in the process, I will weigh 157 pounds with 17 pounds of fat (just over 10%).
Of course, I hope to add about 10 pounds of muscle so that I hit 10% bodyfat at about 165. Ultimately, I would love to gain an additional 10-20 pounds of muscle and settle in at 175-185 (still with 10% bodyfat). But any way you look at it, the 97 pounds of fat I am carrying today is about 80 pounds more than I need (or want). So I still have 80 pounds of fat to lose.
If I could continue to lose five pounds a week, it would only take four months. With results like that, I'm sure I could stay motivated. However, it is more realistic to shoot for 8-10 pounds per month. At that rate, it will take me 8-10 months to reach my goal.
Logically, there is no reason I cannot do that. However, it has been very difficult for me to stay on track for that length of time in the past. In fact, I've only done it twice. In the 1998-99 school year (first year of law school), I worked out six days per week. My bench press went from 165 to 225. My weight dropped from over 200 to about 185. My lean body mass increased from about 140 to 155. But I was not eating clean. Had I been watching my eating, I could have reached my goal of 10% that year. As it was, I got down to 17%.
By spring of 2003, I had ballooned back up to 225. In May 2003, my Mom convinced my wife and I to follow the Weight Watcher's Points plan. We did not join the club, but we counted points for the next year or so. We each lost 40 pounds. But during that time, I was not doing any resistance training (though I did do a fair amount of cardio). Had I added resistance training, I probably could have had much better results.
This year is going to be my third success story. Only this time I will be eating clean and doing resistance training (cardio too). By putting them both together, I should be able to have better results than ever before. The only trick will be staying on track. That's why I need leverage. And I still haven't decided what that will be.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Check
Today I was able to check off my first goal since beginning this new beginning. I weighed in this morning at 239.8. That's not a number I'm proud of by any means, but my first goal was to get below 240 within the first week. It's been five days and I made it.
The next milestone will be sub-230. If all goes well, I should be able to achieve that within the next 30 days. I'd love to think I could lose 5 pounds a week, but I've very rarely ever lost more than 2-3 pounds in a week. So I'll stick with a goal of 2.5 pounds and if I can beat that, great.
I golfed over the weekend and took my dog for a walk this morning, so I'm still getting out and getting some kind of exercise every day. I need to ramp it up, though. I can't lose 10 pounds a month just by walking the dog for 30 minutes a day. I was going to go to the gym today, but I left my workout clothes home, so I think I'll do some cardio on the treadmill tonight and go to the gym tomorrow.
The next milestone will be sub-230. If all goes well, I should be able to achieve that within the next 30 days. I'd love to think I could lose 5 pounds a week, but I've very rarely ever lost more than 2-3 pounds in a week. So I'll stick with a goal of 2.5 pounds and if I can beat that, great.
I golfed over the weekend and took my dog for a walk this morning, so I'm still getting out and getting some kind of exercise every day. I need to ramp it up, though. I can't lose 10 pounds a month just by walking the dog for 30 minutes a day. I was going to go to the gym today, but I left my workout clothes home, so I think I'll do some cardio on the treadmill tonight and go to the gym tomorrow.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Quick Update
Still eating clean mostly. I did put some butter and sugar on my home-made whole wheat toast last night, but all I had for dinner was three pieces of toast with milk so, calorie-wise, I'm sure I was fine (though I'm not counting right now).
I took the dog for a walk again today - two days in a row. I just may be his best friend again.
I weighed in at 240.8, so I imagine if I keep eating clean over the weekend I should be under 240 by Monday. The next step will be to get as far away from that number as possible so I never see it again. My bodyfat percentage was 40% - very painful to see.
I took the dog for a walk again today - two days in a row. I just may be his best friend again.
I weighed in at 240.8, so I imagine if I keep eating clean over the weekend I should be under 240 by Monday. The next step will be to get as far away from that number as possible so I never see it again. My bodyfat percentage was 40% - very painful to see.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Progress Report
I think I mentioned the other day that I went to the store and bought some healthy food. I have been eating clean these past few days without any problem. That's usually the case when I have healthy food readily available. My wife did make cookies last night, but I only had half of one. All I needed was a taste, not the usual half-dozen. Too bad I don't have that kind of self-control all the time.
I finally got back to the gym yesterday. I set out to do a simple circuit - one set of exercises for each major muscle group. The only problem was that I started with a set of ten squats - with no weight - and that made my legs so weak and shaky I just about couldn't walk around the gym to do the other exercises. I must say, I am incredibly disgusted by the fact that a few weightless squats could be so difficult. That has got to change. The rest of the workout was fine. I am about as sore today as I expected to be - normal for a first workout in a long time (although my legs are more sore than I would've expected).
This morning I took the dog out for a walk. I hate walking, but I'm not quite ready to start jogging again because I don't want to do too much, too fast. Still, it felt good to get out and do something.
This evening I think I will pull my bicycle out of the garage and go for a ride with the boys.
I finally got back to the gym yesterday. I set out to do a simple circuit - one set of exercises for each major muscle group. The only problem was that I started with a set of ten squats - with no weight - and that made my legs so weak and shaky I just about couldn't walk around the gym to do the other exercises. I must say, I am incredibly disgusted by the fact that a few weightless squats could be so difficult. That has got to change. The rest of the workout was fine. I am about as sore today as I expected to be - normal for a first workout in a long time (although my legs are more sore than I would've expected).
This morning I took the dog out for a walk. I hate walking, but I'm not quite ready to start jogging again because I don't want to do too much, too fast. Still, it felt good to get out and do something.
This evening I think I will pull my bicycle out of the garage and go for a ride with the boys.
Another New Beginning!
Yes, this time I put an exclamation point rather than a question mark. This is to reflect the fact that my confidence has risen significantly in the past few days. I am no longer questioning whether I will re-start my quest for fitness. What started as a little spark a few days ago has become a toasty little fire. Not a raging inferno. But a fire nonetheless. The trick now is to properly fuel it so it does not go out this time.
I have not yet decided what I need to do to keep the fire burning, although I have a few thoughts mulling around in my head. I am a believer in leverage. I think if I have the right kind of leverage, it will work for me. But there are many different ways to create leverage. One way is to provide a reward for success that can only be obtained if certain goals are reached by a pre-set deadline (e.g., a Caribbean cruise). As I've discussed previously in this blog, those goals should be performance goals rather than results goals. Another way to create leverage is to put a prized possession on the line - to be sacrificed if the goals are not met (e.g., my favorite guitar).
With either of these examples, the key is to put a responsible third-party in charge of the reward or the sacrifice. And I have to have confidence that the third-party will carry out the sacrifice or present the award. The third party, or other favored people, cannot benefit from my failure. In other words, if the guitar is sacrificed it cannot be given to the third party or to someone I like. I cannot have thoughts like, "well, it wouldn't be so bad if [insert name here] got my guitar." It can't feel like a charitable donation - it has to feel like a real sacrifice. For instance, the guitar has to be destroyed (the thought of watching my custom built guitar being destroyed is very painful). Or, perhaps, the guitar has to be sold on eBay and the proceeds sent to someone I absolutely despise (such as my least favorite politician).
The downside of putting a prized possession on the line is the inherent negativity of the act. I am not thrilled about constantly having to worry about losing a prized possession. I don't really want to have my mind filled with the negative thoughts associated with possibly losing something valuable to me. It would likely motivate me, but in a negative, perhaps depressing, way.
So I am more inclined to use a reward as leverage. This way my mind will be filled with the positive thoughts associated with obtaining the reward. I use a Caribbean cruise as an example because I know that when my wife and I were preparing for our cruise in 2004, the very thought of being on the cruise ship really motivated us to keep working on getting in shape. And that was true even though the cruise was not conditioned on our success. If we were to schedule another cruise, which we could only take upon achieving certain goals, I think there's an extremely high likelihood that we would achieve our goals.
That said, I do have a few concerns about using something like a cruise as a reward. For one thing, it is expensive. Because of the expense, we would have guilt associated with it. We would have thoughts like, "maybe it won't be so bad if we don't make it because we really can't afford it anyway." In order to remove any potential for such self-sabotage, I would have to pay for the cruise (and airfare) in advance and give the tickets to a third-party. I would have to be confident that they would give the tickets to us only if we met our goals. Otherwise, they would have to be destroyed. Again, they could not be gifted to anyone else. I would have to know they would not be used.
While such an approach would be costly, it would be well worth it as long as it works. If we were to fail, and the tickets had to be destroyed, we could possibly become very depressed and end up right back where we started - only several thousand dollars poorer.
I also wonder, if I'm going to spend a significant amount of money on getting fit, if I should spend that money on getting fit. Maybe I should hire a personal trainer. Maybe I should enroll in a martial arts class. A year or two ago I was seriously considering signing up for a martial arts class but the cost seemed too high. In retrospect, if I had stuck with it (and I think I would), it would have been well worth it. I would be in much better shape right now. As a teen, I had a goal to someday earn a black belt. That's a goal I would still like to achieve.
Another thing I think about is buying a membership at a local golf course. There is a course in town that sells annual family memberships for about $1200. For 6-8 months out of the year, I could take my family golfing as often as we want to go - and I think we would go a lot. I realize golf is not the most active sport, but I'll burn an awful lot more calories golfing with my family than I do playing World of Warcraft with my kids or watching TV with my wife.
Perhaps I will make a deal with my wife that I get to join a martial arts dojo and buy a one year golf membership. Then, if I want to continue golfing and karate chopping I need to meet my goals. That way, I spend the money on things that will help me get fit and the future renewals of these memberships will serve as my leverage to ensure that I meet my goals. I think I may be on to something here.
The downside to this plan is that it really does not provide much incentive for my wife. Of course, I don't think leverage works very well for her. She's certainly never been very enthusiastic about setting up any kind of leverage plan for herself. I think seeing me make progress will get her on board and provide the motivation she needs - especially if I can get her out golfing with me once a week or so. And if I start running again and do some races I know she will want to do them as well.
I have not yet decided what I need to do to keep the fire burning, although I have a few thoughts mulling around in my head. I am a believer in leverage. I think if I have the right kind of leverage, it will work for me. But there are many different ways to create leverage. One way is to provide a reward for success that can only be obtained if certain goals are reached by a pre-set deadline (e.g., a Caribbean cruise). As I've discussed previously in this blog, those goals should be performance goals rather than results goals. Another way to create leverage is to put a prized possession on the line - to be sacrificed if the goals are not met (e.g., my favorite guitar).
With either of these examples, the key is to put a responsible third-party in charge of the reward or the sacrifice. And I have to have confidence that the third-party will carry out the sacrifice or present the award. The third party, or other favored people, cannot benefit from my failure. In other words, if the guitar is sacrificed it cannot be given to the third party or to someone I like. I cannot have thoughts like, "well, it wouldn't be so bad if [insert name here] got my guitar." It can't feel like a charitable donation - it has to feel like a real sacrifice. For instance, the guitar has to be destroyed (the thought of watching my custom built guitar being destroyed is very painful). Or, perhaps, the guitar has to be sold on eBay and the proceeds sent to someone I absolutely despise (such as my least favorite politician).
The downside of putting a prized possession on the line is the inherent negativity of the act. I am not thrilled about constantly having to worry about losing a prized possession. I don't really want to have my mind filled with the negative thoughts associated with possibly losing something valuable to me. It would likely motivate me, but in a negative, perhaps depressing, way.
So I am more inclined to use a reward as leverage. This way my mind will be filled with the positive thoughts associated with obtaining the reward. I use a Caribbean cruise as an example because I know that when my wife and I were preparing for our cruise in 2004, the very thought of being on the cruise ship really motivated us to keep working on getting in shape. And that was true even though the cruise was not conditioned on our success. If we were to schedule another cruise, which we could only take upon achieving certain goals, I think there's an extremely high likelihood that we would achieve our goals.
That said, I do have a few concerns about using something like a cruise as a reward. For one thing, it is expensive. Because of the expense, we would have guilt associated with it. We would have thoughts like, "maybe it won't be so bad if we don't make it because we really can't afford it anyway." In order to remove any potential for such self-sabotage, I would have to pay for the cruise (and airfare) in advance and give the tickets to a third-party. I would have to be confident that they would give the tickets to us only if we met our goals. Otherwise, they would have to be destroyed. Again, they could not be gifted to anyone else. I would have to know they would not be used.
While such an approach would be costly, it would be well worth it as long as it works. If we were to fail, and the tickets had to be destroyed, we could possibly become very depressed and end up right back where we started - only several thousand dollars poorer.
I also wonder, if I'm going to spend a significant amount of money on getting fit, if I should spend that money on getting fit. Maybe I should hire a personal trainer. Maybe I should enroll in a martial arts class. A year or two ago I was seriously considering signing up for a martial arts class but the cost seemed too high. In retrospect, if I had stuck with it (and I think I would), it would have been well worth it. I would be in much better shape right now. As a teen, I had a goal to someday earn a black belt. That's a goal I would still like to achieve.
Another thing I think about is buying a membership at a local golf course. There is a course in town that sells annual family memberships for about $1200. For 6-8 months out of the year, I could take my family golfing as often as we want to go - and I think we would go a lot. I realize golf is not the most active sport, but I'll burn an awful lot more calories golfing with my family than I do playing World of Warcraft with my kids or watching TV with my wife.
Perhaps I will make a deal with my wife that I get to join a martial arts dojo and buy a one year golf membership. Then, if I want to continue golfing and karate chopping I need to meet my goals. That way, I spend the money on things that will help me get fit and the future renewals of these memberships will serve as my leverage to ensure that I meet my goals. I think I may be on to something here.
The downside to this plan is that it really does not provide much incentive for my wife. Of course, I don't think leverage works very well for her. She's certainly never been very enthusiastic about setting up any kind of leverage plan for herself. I think seeing me make progress will get her on board and provide the motivation she needs - especially if I can get her out golfing with me once a week or so. And if I start running again and do some races I know she will want to do them as well.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
242.4!
242.4! That's the number that greeted me this morning when I decided to get on the scale for the first time in weeks. So much for my theory that my body leveled off around 235. I thought I would have to really pig out to ever reach 240. The most discouraging part is that I really haven't been pigging out much. I try to limit the amount of junk food I eat and actually thought I had been doing OK. I shudder to think what would happen if I stopped trying altogether. If today's number is any indication (and I'm sure it is), it appears I could very easily balloon up to 250 or 260.
Every time I reach a new high I become absolutely disgusted with myself. Today is no exception. It was not that long ago when I first hit 225. That highest weight ever prompted my best fat loss success ever. I lost 40 pounds and mostly kept it off for a year or so. Just the other day I saw a picture of myself on our vacation that year. As I stood there on the ruins of Xunantunich in Belize, I did not look like a fat person. At 185, I did still have a bit of a belly under my T-shirt, but it really did not show. My wife had also lost about 40 pounds and she looked very good as well. We were both so proud of our accomplishment and felt better than we had in years. We often marvelled at how close we were to our ultimate fitness goals and how much better we felt mentally and physically. We vowed to never allow ourselves to become fat again.
And yet here we are - only a few years later and fatter than ever before. (Actually, my wife is down about 10 pounds from her highest.) When I was exercising and losing weight that year, I did not really feel like it was that big of a struggle. I felt like I was living a lifestyle that I could continue indefinitely. So it is very difficult to understand why I have been unable to return to that lifestyle in the few years since. I have probably tried at least a dozen times to break the bad habits and get back to eating the way we did back then. But as the failures pile up, the confidence sinks lower and lower. For the first couple of years, I felt like it would not be that hard to get back to 185. Today, 185 seems virtually impossible. Logic and reason tell me that I can get back there in 6-8 months. My gut (no pun intended) tells me I do not have the will-power to do what it takes.
So I guess the question is, How do I get my confidence back? I know it is technically possible. I know other people can do it. But how do I convince myself that I can do it? I know what has to be done. I know how to eat right and exercise. So how do I make myself do it?
Accountability is the word that comes to mind. I lack accountability. I need someone to check up on me and make sure I am on track. I have tried to hold myself accountable, but apparently that does not work for me. Perhaps I need to fork over the money for a personal trainer. I really don't feel like I can afford that, but on the other hand I cannot afford to keep letting my health deteriorate.
Today I feel motivated. I am going to the gym today. I am going to the store to buy some healthy food. I am determined to get back on the wagon and become fit. But how long will this last? A few days? A week? When I rejoined the gym a few months ago I talked to my wife about paying for a personal trainer. But I decided I did not need to do that. The main reason I felt it was unnecessary was because I felt absolutely determined to succeed. I felt more desire to get in shape than I had felt since 2003 when I lost 40 pounds. I thought I really had the motivation back and that I could stick with it. But it lasted less than two weeks.
I don't have the answer, but for the next few days I am going to be thinking long and hard about what it is going to take for me to continue exercising and eating right when the motivation wanes. All I know is that I have to make the arrangements now, while the motivation is with me. This time I cannot make the mistake of assuming the motivation will stay.
Every time I reach a new high I become absolutely disgusted with myself. Today is no exception. It was not that long ago when I first hit 225. That highest weight ever prompted my best fat loss success ever. I lost 40 pounds and mostly kept it off for a year or so. Just the other day I saw a picture of myself on our vacation that year. As I stood there on the ruins of Xunantunich in Belize, I did not look like a fat person. At 185, I did still have a bit of a belly under my T-shirt, but it really did not show. My wife had also lost about 40 pounds and she looked very good as well. We were both so proud of our accomplishment and felt better than we had in years. We often marvelled at how close we were to our ultimate fitness goals and how much better we felt mentally and physically. We vowed to never allow ourselves to become fat again.
And yet here we are - only a few years later and fatter than ever before. (Actually, my wife is down about 10 pounds from her highest.) When I was exercising and losing weight that year, I did not really feel like it was that big of a struggle. I felt like I was living a lifestyle that I could continue indefinitely. So it is very difficult to understand why I have been unable to return to that lifestyle in the few years since. I have probably tried at least a dozen times to break the bad habits and get back to eating the way we did back then. But as the failures pile up, the confidence sinks lower and lower. For the first couple of years, I felt like it would not be that hard to get back to 185. Today, 185 seems virtually impossible. Logic and reason tell me that I can get back there in 6-8 months. My gut (no pun intended) tells me I do not have the will-power to do what it takes.
So I guess the question is, How do I get my confidence back? I know it is technically possible. I know other people can do it. But how do I convince myself that I can do it? I know what has to be done. I know how to eat right and exercise. So how do I make myself do it?
Accountability is the word that comes to mind. I lack accountability. I need someone to check up on me and make sure I am on track. I have tried to hold myself accountable, but apparently that does not work for me. Perhaps I need to fork over the money for a personal trainer. I really don't feel like I can afford that, but on the other hand I cannot afford to keep letting my health deteriorate.
Today I feel motivated. I am going to the gym today. I am going to the store to buy some healthy food. I am determined to get back on the wagon and become fit. But how long will this last? A few days? A week? When I rejoined the gym a few months ago I talked to my wife about paying for a personal trainer. But I decided I did not need to do that. The main reason I felt it was unnecessary was because I felt absolutely determined to succeed. I felt more desire to get in shape than I had felt since 2003 when I lost 40 pounds. I thought I really had the motivation back and that I could stick with it. But it lasted less than two weeks.
I don't have the answer, but for the next few days I am going to be thinking long and hard about what it is going to take for me to continue exercising and eating right when the motivation wanes. All I know is that I have to make the arrangements now, while the motivation is with me. This time I cannot make the mistake of assuming the motivation will stay.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Another New Beginning?
It is too early to say for sure, but I may be on the verge of another new beginning. My life in general has been rather dark and dreary for some time now. I have not had any interest whatsoever in participating in any athletic activities (or much of anything really). However, over the past few days I have begun to feel that spark again. I am again feeling the need for change.
I am going to try to ease into the exercise thing again. I think a 20-minute circuit training routine would be perfect. I can stop by the gym on my way to work (or even on the way home) and just do a quick circuit without feeling like I have to complete a full hour-long bodybuilding workout. I am also going to make myself get on the treadmill again. I will probably walk at first, maybe 20-30 minutes while I watch a TV show. If I can just get into the habit of doing 20-30 minutes of exercise at least three days a week I'd be much better off than I have been this past year or so.
With that in mind, I am setting a goal right now to exercise at least three times this week.
I am going to try to ease into the exercise thing again. I think a 20-minute circuit training routine would be perfect. I can stop by the gym on my way to work (or even on the way home) and just do a quick circuit without feeling like I have to complete a full hour-long bodybuilding workout. I am also going to make myself get on the treadmill again. I will probably walk at first, maybe 20-30 minutes while I watch a TV show. If I can just get into the habit of doing 20-30 minutes of exercise at least three days a week I'd be much better off than I have been this past year or so.
With that in mind, I am setting a goal right now to exercise at least three times this week.
Backsliding Sucks . . . Yet Again
So here it is, almost May 2008, and I am not ripped as I said I would be. In fact, I am sitting (un)comfortably at my highest weight. I haven't weighed myself in a few weeks, but I believe I am sitting somewhere between 235 and 240. I don't think I have ever actually hit 240. Fortunately, my body seems to level off and stop gaining before I hit that point. That's it for the good news. The bad news, of course, is that I have not been making any progress in the past year or so.
I was doing very good in the early part of 2007. I was running regularly (on the treadmill) and was gearing up for my first 5k. I was also starting to add a little weight-lifting. I was eating pretty well. I was losing about 8 pounds per month and was not pushing myself to lose too quickly. I was content to take it slow and easy, anticipating that it would take a year or so to lose all the fat.
All seemed to be going well until the day of the 5k. I had been working toward this for quite some time and was really looking forward to it. My wife and two oldest sons were doing the race as well. My daughter was doing the shorter one-mile race. We were all excited about it, although I think I was the most excited. This was my first race and we were doing it as a family. I imagined this would be the first of many such events we would do together as a family. This, I thought, would be the driving force behind my efforts to get in shape. In other words, preparing for, and running, these races would provide the motivation I would need to get - and stay - in shape.
I had been running regularly (on the treadmill) and was up to something like three, three-mile runs per week. I was running three miles in about 30 minutes or so. As such, I anticipated that I would finish the 5k in something like 30-35 minutes. Instead, it took more like 45 minutes. We ran on lumpy grass that was bad for my ankles and made my feet muscles ache like never before. What's worse, the race started with a pretty steep hill, which we had to go up three times (as it was a three-lap race around a schoolyard). I did not get half-way up the hill before I had to slow to a walk.
In fact, I ended up having to walk a lot during the race. This was very discouraging to me because I thought I had finally reached the point where I could jog three miles without having to stop. I felt out of breath and fatigued the whole race. I felt miserable and thought it would never end. I spent most of the race in last place. There was only one other person even close to me, as the pack had moved on and left two of us far behind. I eventually forced myself to pass this other person because I was determined not to finish dead last. I thought she might pass me back at the end, but I sprinted to the finish, with everything I had, to make sure that didn't happen.
While I found the race a very discouraging experience, I had no idea at the time just how much of a setback it would turn out to be. I thought I would take a few days off then get back on the treadmill and start working toward the July 4 race. But, as it turned out, I just did not have it in me. I did not get back on the treadmill in a few days - or even a few weeks. In fact, I don't think I have run even one time since that miserable 5k experience.
After struggling so much with a 5k, I knew there was no way I could handle the July 4 race. So, again, my wife (and sons) ran it without me. It was quite an emotional experience for me standing with all the parade watchers, waiting for my wife and sons to run by as the parade was starting. I was very proud of them and very disappointed in myself.
Unfortunately, disappointment and discouragement have never been very motivating to me. Instead of getting back into it, I resigned myself to the notion that I just don't have it in me to get in shape. And so, another year has come and gone and I'm still as fat and out of shape as ever. I do try not to pig out too much, but I have not been getting any exercise at all.
I did have one false start a few months ago. I renewed my gym membership and went about three times the first week. It felt great to be lifting weights again, but it was very short-lived. It started out OK as my first couple of workouts were just 20-minute circuits to get my muscles used to lifting again. However, as I always do, I then jumped in with both feet and did too much, too soon. I printed out a long and arduous workout off the internet and put it to the test. It took about one hour to complete and I left the gym feeling completely, utterly exhausted. I haven't been back since.
I was doing very good in the early part of 2007. I was running regularly (on the treadmill) and was gearing up for my first 5k. I was also starting to add a little weight-lifting. I was eating pretty well. I was losing about 8 pounds per month and was not pushing myself to lose too quickly. I was content to take it slow and easy, anticipating that it would take a year or so to lose all the fat.
All seemed to be going well until the day of the 5k. I had been working toward this for quite some time and was really looking forward to it. My wife and two oldest sons were doing the race as well. My daughter was doing the shorter one-mile race. We were all excited about it, although I think I was the most excited. This was my first race and we were doing it as a family. I imagined this would be the first of many such events we would do together as a family. This, I thought, would be the driving force behind my efforts to get in shape. In other words, preparing for, and running, these races would provide the motivation I would need to get - and stay - in shape.
I had been running regularly (on the treadmill) and was up to something like three, three-mile runs per week. I was running three miles in about 30 minutes or so. As such, I anticipated that I would finish the 5k in something like 30-35 minutes. Instead, it took more like 45 minutes. We ran on lumpy grass that was bad for my ankles and made my feet muscles ache like never before. What's worse, the race started with a pretty steep hill, which we had to go up three times (as it was a three-lap race around a schoolyard). I did not get half-way up the hill before I had to slow to a walk.
In fact, I ended up having to walk a lot during the race. This was very discouraging to me because I thought I had finally reached the point where I could jog three miles without having to stop. I felt out of breath and fatigued the whole race. I felt miserable and thought it would never end. I spent most of the race in last place. There was only one other person even close to me, as the pack had moved on and left two of us far behind. I eventually forced myself to pass this other person because I was determined not to finish dead last. I thought she might pass me back at the end, but I sprinted to the finish, with everything I had, to make sure that didn't happen.
While I found the race a very discouraging experience, I had no idea at the time just how much of a setback it would turn out to be. I thought I would take a few days off then get back on the treadmill and start working toward the July 4 race. But, as it turned out, I just did not have it in me. I did not get back on the treadmill in a few days - or even a few weeks. In fact, I don't think I have run even one time since that miserable 5k experience.
After struggling so much with a 5k, I knew there was no way I could handle the July 4 race. So, again, my wife (and sons) ran it without me. It was quite an emotional experience for me standing with all the parade watchers, waiting for my wife and sons to run by as the parade was starting. I was very proud of them and very disappointed in myself.
Unfortunately, disappointment and discouragement have never been very motivating to me. Instead of getting back into it, I resigned myself to the notion that I just don't have it in me to get in shape. And so, another year has come and gone and I'm still as fat and out of shape as ever. I do try not to pig out too much, but I have not been getting any exercise at all.
I did have one false start a few months ago. I renewed my gym membership and went about three times the first week. It felt great to be lifting weights again, but it was very short-lived. It started out OK as my first couple of workouts were just 20-minute circuits to get my muscles used to lifting again. However, as I always do, I then jumped in with both feet and did too much, too soon. I printed out a long and arduous workout off the internet and put it to the test. It took about one hour to complete and I left the gym feeling completely, utterly exhausted. I haven't been back since.
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