I mentioned last time I wrote that although we outwardly appear to have lost our last weight loss battle (losing over 40 pounds each and then gaining it all back), we gained some valuable intel. So what did we gain (in addition to all our fat back)? Here are a few examples:
1. Confidence. Although the loss was not permanent, we now have more confidence than ever before in our ability to lose large amounts of fat. In May 2003, we had hope and desire to lose a lot of fat, but inwardly there was doubt. This time, there is none. We both know beyond doubt that before this coming summer is over we can be down to where we were two years ago. That confidence really becomes important on days (or weeks) when the scale does not seem to cooperate. When that happens, we don't get as discouraged as we did before because we know from fairly recent experience that a significant drop will follow a seemingly unbreakable plateau.
2. Knowledge re: what needs to be done. Although we had lost weight at other times in the past, we had never really engaged in a sustained, coordinated effort. However, on this last adventure we learned how healthy eating and regular exercise are both crucial to success. We learned what types of food to eat and how much. In other words, we don't have to look for a "diet" plan because we already know what works. Diets don't work. We simply ate healthier and exercised more. Although we thought we could continue on that path forever, we gradually got out of those healthy habits and went back to our unhealthy ones (for reasons I will explore further in future posts). Nevertheless, we know what lifestyle changes we need to make -- and so far, making them this time has not been nearly as hard as it was before.
3. Knowledge re: how to get and stay motivated. This is one I wish to discuss in some detail because, the truth is, this is where we failed last time. So I will do it in a separate post. Therein, I will discuss where we went wrong in this area, and what we will be doing differently this time around.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
Where are we now?
As of a couple weeks ago, my wife and I were both right back where we started in May of 2003. That was the month we made a decision that changed our lives forever. Unfortunately, forever lasted only about a year. Needless to say, the more recent year has been a bit depressing. For me (and I think she concurs), it's more about how I feel than about how I look (although being fat is embarrassing, especially when wearing a swim suit).
How do I feel when I’m fat and out of shape? I feel tired. I feel unhealthy. I feel apathetic. I feel lazy. And a strong sense of failure hangs over my head like an ominous thundercloud. My wife and I have been wanting to get rid of this fat again for some time now, but the "get up and go" just hasn't been there. As my Grandma always says, "My get up and go got up and went."
It has been coming back a little though. I have lost 20 pounds since November. That’s not bad considering the fact that I haven’t really exercised that much.
However, an amazing thing happened a couple weeks ago when I booked a flight to Hawaii for the two of us in March. Suddenly, we both have the intense drive to get fit like we haven’t had since May of 2003. Of course we both realize we can’t lose enough by next month to look like fitness models, but we can lose enough to be a little less embarrassed to walk around in a swimming suit.
Last year we went to Hawaii for the first time and we were both very self-conscious the whole time. Even when I wasn’t in a swimming suit, I was still embarrassed by the fact that my Hawaiian shirts would barely button up. The good news is that I tried the same shirts on yesterday and they’re only a little tight. By the time we get to Hawaii this year they will fit nicely.
Although physically we are now more or less right back where we were in May 2003, and thus appear (on the surface) to have lost the battle, the truth is that we gained some valuable intel that we will be using against the enemy in the battle we are now commencing.
More on that later.
How do I feel when I’m fat and out of shape? I feel tired. I feel unhealthy. I feel apathetic. I feel lazy. And a strong sense of failure hangs over my head like an ominous thundercloud. My wife and I have been wanting to get rid of this fat again for some time now, but the "get up and go" just hasn't been there. As my Grandma always says, "My get up and go got up and went."
It has been coming back a little though. I have lost 20 pounds since November. That’s not bad considering the fact that I haven’t really exercised that much.
However, an amazing thing happened a couple weeks ago when I booked a flight to Hawaii for the two of us in March. Suddenly, we both have the intense drive to get fit like we haven’t had since May of 2003. Of course we both realize we can’t lose enough by next month to look like fitness models, but we can lose enough to be a little less embarrassed to walk around in a swimming suit.
Last year we went to Hawaii for the first time and we were both very self-conscious the whole time. Even when I wasn’t in a swimming suit, I was still embarrassed by the fact that my Hawaiian shirts would barely button up. The good news is that I tried the same shirts on yesterday and they’re only a little tight. By the time we get to Hawaii this year they will fit nicely.
Although physically we are now more or less right back where we were in May 2003, and thus appear (on the surface) to have lost the battle, the truth is that we gained some valuable intel that we will be using against the enemy in the battle we are now commencing.
More on that later.
Friday, February 24, 2006
The Biggest, Baddest, Battle Yet
May 2003. My wife and I were so utterly disgusted with ourselves for having gained so much weight that we knew something had to be done. My mom had recently had a lot of success with the Weight Watcher's program and raved about how great it was. My wife and I took a look at the points system and saw that it would make calorie counting a lot easier. But we did not want to attend meetings.
So we bought the Weight Watcher books and began counting points. We also both began exercising. For the first time ever we were combining an eating program with an exercise program. The results were very positive. We each lost about 45 pounds of fat. Our goal was to lose 60, so we only had 15 pounds to go. We were so close to finally winning the battle of the bulge.
We had never been happier. We had more energy. We felt stronger and healthier. Everywhere we went people told us how great we looked. We would look at our "before" pictures from May, 2003, and marvel at how we had allowed ourselves to gain so much fat. We were convinced that we would never, ever, be like that again.
Then, in February 2004, we went on our first (and so far, only) Carribean Cruise. It would be easy to blame the cruise for our relapse. I gained 14 pounds in one week on that cruise! However, I shortly lost that weight again and kept it off for the next six months. In August, I hit a new low of 183.5.
This is where it gets confusing. Although I felt better than I had in years, I somehow managed to gain 55 pounds over the next nine months. And not being of that sex, I'm pretty sure I was not pregnant. But rest assured, by the end of that nine months, at my new all-time high of 238, I sure looked like I was nine months along!
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how my wife and I nearly won, and then tragically lost, the biggest, baddest, battle yet.
But the war is not over . . .
So we bought the Weight Watcher books and began counting points. We also both began exercising. For the first time ever we were combining an eating program with an exercise program. The results were very positive. We each lost about 45 pounds of fat. Our goal was to lose 60, so we only had 15 pounds to go. We were so close to finally winning the battle of the bulge.
We had never been happier. We had more energy. We felt stronger and healthier. Everywhere we went people told us how great we looked. We would look at our "before" pictures from May, 2003, and marvel at how we had allowed ourselves to gain so much fat. We were convinced that we would never, ever, be like that again.
Then, in February 2004, we went on our first (and so far, only) Carribean Cruise. It would be easy to blame the cruise for our relapse. I gained 14 pounds in one week on that cruise! However, I shortly lost that weight again and kept it off for the next six months. In August, I hit a new low of 183.5.
This is where it gets confusing. Although I felt better than I had in years, I somehow managed to gain 55 pounds over the next nine months. And not being of that sex, I'm pretty sure I was not pregnant. But rest assured, by the end of that nine months, at my new all-time high of 238, I sure looked like I was nine months along!
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how my wife and I nearly won, and then tragically lost, the biggest, baddest, battle yet.
But the war is not over . . .
Why is it hard to stay on track?
Here is a question I have not been able to answer. I have successfully lost significant amounts of fat on many occasions. Every time I have done so, the benefits have been immeasurable: I felt happier, healthier, stronger, more confident, and so forth. On every occasion I have said to myself, "life is so much better this way, I will never go back to being fat again." And yet, every single time, I went back again. In fact, only four months ago, I hit an all-time high -- 238 pounds with 38% bodyfat. Because being fit feels so much better than being fat, I do not know why I keep returning to fatland. But I've done it every time.
In high school, I was a 135 pound weakling. Although I was skinny, I was not in great shape. I tried to do a 5K fun run in eighth grade and had to walk most of the way. I tried to go as fast as I could, but still it took me about 38 minutes. I was sore for a week. I began lifting weights in 9th grade and became able to bench press 140 pounds -- a little more than my body weight. I felt pretty good about that. Even better, I beat the school record for dips with something like 47. Not bad, considering the fact that in seventh grade I could not do even one dip.
The problem is, I severely neglected my lower body. I hated doing squats or any other leg exercises, including running. So my legs never got very strong. I tried running a few times, but half-way around the block I would get so winded I would feel sick. Walking seemed like a waste of time, so I never considered a walk/jog/run program. Besides, being a skinny kid, I was only interested in getting strong -- I didn't have to worry about getting fat.
A year out of high school, I was surprised to see that I weighed 150. I was still pretty skinny for a guy just under six feet. One day, at age 20, I looked in the mirror and realized I was beginning to look fat. I got on the scale and was surprised to see that I weighed 185. I decided it was time to try that dieting thing that the women-folk always talk about. I didn't know anything about dieting, but I did know that I needed to start exercising and eating less. To make a long story short, I ate less, exercised more, and in five or six months I was down to 165. I still had a little roll of fat around my mid-section, but I felt a lot better.
When I got married a year-and-a-half later I weighed around 170-175. My wife, about 130. That's when the real battle of the bulge began -- for both of us. While I certainly noticed the swelling, and hated myself for it, I never realized how bad it was getting until I hit about 220. At that point I began taking a lot of P.E. classes in college: basketball, weight-lifting, karate, etc. I also took a health and nutrition class. I learned a lot about nutrition and fitness, and by the time I began grad school I was down to 200.
During the first year of grad school, I got serious about fitness like never before. I was in the weight room at 5:30 every morning -- six days a week. I gained a lot of muscle that year. My bench press went from 160 to 225. I was able to do well over twenty dips for the first time since high school. Sadly, I again neglected my legs -- though not as much as in years past. I did do leg extensions and leg curls, but no squats or anything intense. I rode the exercise bike several times per week. I played basketball about four hours per week. By the end of the year, my weight was down to about 180 and my bodyfat was at 17% -- down from about 38% the previous year. At that time, I couldn't imagine not going to the gym every day. Feeling the blood pumping through my swelled-up muscles after a good workout every morning was priceless. I had never exercised this much or this regularly before. I was addicted to working out and was never going to quit.
Unfortunately, I had to leave school for the summer for an internship and I did not have access to a gym. What's worse, I spent four hours driving to and from work every day so I was so exhausted when I got home, I did nothing but eat, sleep and work. I couldn't wait for the summer to end so I could get back to school and back into the gym.
When I returned to school in the fall, something was wrong. Suddenly, and unexpectedly, I had lost the motivation to get up and go to the gym in the mornings. I tried a few times, but never could get much of a workout. I desparately wanted to feel the way I had the year before, but the magic was gone. And I could not get it back. By the end of the year I had managed to get to the gym no more than a handful of times. By the end of grad school, I was pushing 230.
That winter I lost 15 pounds just by cutting my eating, counting calories. But I just didn't have much motivation, and I didn't do any exercise. By May I was back up to 225.
That's when I began to fight the biggest, baddest, battle yet.
To be continued . . .
In high school, I was a 135 pound weakling. Although I was skinny, I was not in great shape. I tried to do a 5K fun run in eighth grade and had to walk most of the way. I tried to go as fast as I could, but still it took me about 38 minutes. I was sore for a week. I began lifting weights in 9th grade and became able to bench press 140 pounds -- a little more than my body weight. I felt pretty good about that. Even better, I beat the school record for dips with something like 47. Not bad, considering the fact that in seventh grade I could not do even one dip.
The problem is, I severely neglected my lower body. I hated doing squats or any other leg exercises, including running. So my legs never got very strong. I tried running a few times, but half-way around the block I would get so winded I would feel sick. Walking seemed like a waste of time, so I never considered a walk/jog/run program. Besides, being a skinny kid, I was only interested in getting strong -- I didn't have to worry about getting fat.
A year out of high school, I was surprised to see that I weighed 150. I was still pretty skinny for a guy just under six feet. One day, at age 20, I looked in the mirror and realized I was beginning to look fat. I got on the scale and was surprised to see that I weighed 185. I decided it was time to try that dieting thing that the women-folk always talk about. I didn't know anything about dieting, but I did know that I needed to start exercising and eating less. To make a long story short, I ate less, exercised more, and in five or six months I was down to 165. I still had a little roll of fat around my mid-section, but I felt a lot better.
When I got married a year-and-a-half later I weighed around 170-175. My wife, about 130. That's when the real battle of the bulge began -- for both of us. While I certainly noticed the swelling, and hated myself for it, I never realized how bad it was getting until I hit about 220. At that point I began taking a lot of P.E. classes in college: basketball, weight-lifting, karate, etc. I also took a health and nutrition class. I learned a lot about nutrition and fitness, and by the time I began grad school I was down to 200.
During the first year of grad school, I got serious about fitness like never before. I was in the weight room at 5:30 every morning -- six days a week. I gained a lot of muscle that year. My bench press went from 160 to 225. I was able to do well over twenty dips for the first time since high school. Sadly, I again neglected my legs -- though not as much as in years past. I did do leg extensions and leg curls, but no squats or anything intense. I rode the exercise bike several times per week. I played basketball about four hours per week. By the end of the year, my weight was down to about 180 and my bodyfat was at 17% -- down from about 38% the previous year. At that time, I couldn't imagine not going to the gym every day. Feeling the blood pumping through my swelled-up muscles after a good workout every morning was priceless. I had never exercised this much or this regularly before. I was addicted to working out and was never going to quit.
Unfortunately, I had to leave school for the summer for an internship and I did not have access to a gym. What's worse, I spent four hours driving to and from work every day so I was so exhausted when I got home, I did nothing but eat, sleep and work. I couldn't wait for the summer to end so I could get back to school and back into the gym.
When I returned to school in the fall, something was wrong. Suddenly, and unexpectedly, I had lost the motivation to get up and go to the gym in the mornings. I tried a few times, but never could get much of a workout. I desparately wanted to feel the way I had the year before, but the magic was gone. And I could not get it back. By the end of the year I had managed to get to the gym no more than a handful of times. By the end of grad school, I was pushing 230.
That winter I lost 15 pounds just by cutting my eating, counting calories. But I just didn't have much motivation, and I didn't do any exercise. By May I was back up to 225.
That's when I began to fight the biggest, baddest, battle yet.
To be continued . . .
Keeping it off is the hard part
Since losing fat is such a difficult task, I've often wondered why people say keeping it off is the hard part. After all, you can eat more when you are maintaining than when you are losing.
After being on this roller coaster ride for many years now, I am really beginning to see why keeping it off is the hard part. It all has to do with motivation. When I am motivated to lose fat, I can stay that way for months. When I am motivated it really isn't that hard to exercise every day and limit what I eat. But when that motivation disappears, there's nothing to get me up off the couch and there's nothing stopping me from eating a half dozen Krispy Kremes whenever I get the urge.
It seems I am either on track or off track, there is no in-between. So even though maintaining does not take as much effort as losing, I have to be "on-track" to do it. And while I can stay on track for months at a time, I have not yet learned the secret to being on track for years at a time. This is why I am still fat (or shall I say fat again?) even though I have fought, and seemingly won, the battle of the bulge on multiple occasions.
After being on this roller coaster ride for many years now, I am really beginning to see why keeping it off is the hard part. It all has to do with motivation. When I am motivated to lose fat, I can stay that way for months. When I am motivated it really isn't that hard to exercise every day and limit what I eat. But when that motivation disappears, there's nothing to get me up off the couch and there's nothing stopping me from eating a half dozen Krispy Kremes whenever I get the urge.
It seems I am either on track or off track, there is no in-between. So even though maintaining does not take as much effort as losing, I have to be "on-track" to do it. And while I can stay on track for months at a time, I have not yet learned the secret to being on track for years at a time. This is why I am still fat (or shall I say fat again?) even though I have fought, and seemingly won, the battle of the bulge on multiple occasions.
Breaking through plateaus
Breaking through a plateau is awesome! It almost surpasses the agony of being stuck at the plateau. But not quite. After losing 15 pounds between November and January, I stagnated around 222 for over a month. I wasn't really trying too hard, so it wasn't a big deal until this past week or so.
On February 15, I got off my lazy butt and started exercising every day, and began again counting my food intake. The first pound was gone in a day. But for the next five days I could not break through the 221 barrier -- even though I exercised every day and kept my food intake right where it should be.
Finally, today, I broke the 221 barrier and weighed in at 218.5. I am now down 20 pounds since November. Not as far along as I'd like to be, but then I haven't been exercising much until this past week. Of course, the holidays didn't help much either.
On February 15, I got off my lazy butt and started exercising every day, and began again counting my food intake. The first pound was gone in a day. But for the next five days I could not break through the 221 barrier -- even though I exercised every day and kept my food intake right where it should be.
Finally, today, I broke the 221 barrier and weighed in at 218.5. I am now down 20 pounds since November. Not as far along as I'd like to be, but then I haven't been exercising much until this past week. Of course, the holidays didn't help much either.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
To anybody who happens to stumble onto this site:
I'm CJ, and I am fat. Between mid-2004 and mid-2005 I managed to go from 183 to 238 -- a gain of 55 pounds!
It is time to end the madness.
The purpose of this blog is to document my progress and thoughts while on this journey from fat to fit. This is primarily for my own benefit. However, having lost a significant amount of weight once before, I know that people like to know how it was accomplished. When someone asks me that question, I may refer them to this site.
Although documenting my fat to fit journey is the primary motivator for starting this blog, I do not expect to write exclusively about health and fitness. In fact, it may evolve into something else entirely. Only time will tell.
So welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy the journey as much as I hope I enjoy the journey. Or something like that.
It is time to end the madness.
The purpose of this blog is to document my progress and thoughts while on this journey from fat to fit. This is primarily for my own benefit. However, having lost a significant amount of weight once before, I know that people like to know how it was accomplished. When someone asks me that question, I may refer them to this site.
Although documenting my fat to fit journey is the primary motivator for starting this blog, I do not expect to write exclusively about health and fitness. In fact, it may evolve into something else entirely. Only time will tell.
So welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy the journey as much as I hope I enjoy the journey. Or something like that.
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